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DIRECTIONS...

On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how??...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but it's "just" a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh?)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those
5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and... I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what?)
On Sunsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions:
Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh... fly Southwest?)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."
(..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Sincerely,
Chris & Dan
Directed Co-Publishers

P.S. Thank you to our faithful readers and advertisers for welcoming us into your homes and hearts every week.

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